I wish I could say, and do things the right way. I wish I would act and react the way a normal person should. But, sometimes my hypersensitivity gets in the way. Sometimes, it's a blessing, and sometimes I think it could be a curse. And, other times, I wish I could just throw it right out the window along with all of the other feelings that I have a hard time dealing with. **Sigh** But, I can't. This is who I am, this is how I am, and I have to deal with myself according to that, no matter how difficult I find myself to be. Make sense? Or, are you lost?
Okay, big deep breath! Breathe in......breathe out........and, now to set some goals, make sure they're attainable, and press on full speed ahead!! First, to discipline myself by preparing a schedule of meals for an entire week every Sunday. Second, set up an exercise plan, which would include running, walking, aerobics, and if I can stand it, some Pilates, and STICK TO IT!! I think everything else will hopefully, prayerfully, longingly, fall into place the way it should. I just want to feel good about myself again.
My other main goal is to be completely financially sound by the end of this year! Alright, 2010, here we go. :) I would absolutely LOVE to buy a house within the next few years, seeing as I have yet to do that (as a first time home buyer) in my life. That gives me hope, and keeps me excited!! Oh, the possibilities! Hmmmm.....
I want to be a free spirit once again, to have a totally open mind to all kinds of possibilities and even things I may not have ever thought about before!
I want to help other people. I want to have a purpose! I want to belong to myself, and be happy with who I am, where I'm at, and where I'm going.
I want to go back to college! I want to learn how to oil paint on canvas! I want to learn how to play the acoustic guitar, write music, write lyrics, and be able to sing my heart out until I'm content in who I am! Oh, how I long for the possibilities, yet again!! :O) I want to smile from ear to ear, to laugh from my belly, to hug those that need hugs, to feed those that don't have food, to clothe those that can't afford clothing! So many possibilities. Wow! I can't believe I've put all of this to paper (so to speak, and I know of course it's really typewritten on a blog on a computer on the internet)! Hehe But, I want to make a difference in people's lives. I know only then will I feel fulfilled in who I am, and where I belong. So, here I go!! It may be a long journey ahead, but I think I'm up for it. How could life be anymore challenging than the past few years? It can't, right? It's been an uphill climb up to here. So, now I want to slide down that hill, feet first, skating even, maybe, and smiling the whole way!! Yeeeehhaaawwww!! This will definitely be an exciting ride! And, I don't think I want to hang on for this one! I just want to soar, and soar high above, where I've not been before. I just want to experience something new!
Oh, Lord, please guide me through! I pray for your help!!! I know with You by my side, I can do anything! My heart longs for that peace!! So, Thank You for this life.
THE TRIALS ARE WORTH THE SMILES AFTERWARDS!! :O)
